How to Develop More Charisma to Help You Influence People


  • Don’t try to force charisma. It takes practice to learn how to be charismatic. If you try to go too quickly, your behavior may seem bizarre and untrustworthy.

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4. Be at ease with your desires and your opinions:

Not being ashamed of your desires, your opinions, your tastes…is something extremely attractive.

You just said something that displeased someone?

Don’t apologize. Be at ease with what you said.

Don’t deny responsibility. Don’t flee like a coward. Hold your position.

Don’t change your attitude in an attempt to please (remember what we talked about in point number two).

You try to kiss a girl you like but she tells you that you’re rushing things?

Don’t apologize for finding her sexually attractive. Be at ease with your desire.

You have some political views that some people disapprove of?

Don’t apologize. Be at ease with it.

You’re not a guy who repudiates his values in an attempt to be accepted.

You’re the one with the cock.

Be assertive, not aggressive

Assertiveness is a necessary quality to have if you want to win people’s hearts. It’s also a small way to display your self-esteem.

To be assertive, talk with conviction and confidence, but don’t yell. Don’t apologize or say “excuse me” too often, if you truly didn’t do something wrong. If you apologize too much, people will start thinking that you’re ashamed of your own presence, or that you’re incompetent—neither of which will do you any good.

6. Give it all:

Leave nothing in the tank when it comes to your projects and your dreams.

Make them the driving force of your life.

Don’t put them aside as so many people do, telling themselves that they’re not possible, that they won’t work out, or that they require way too much work…

You only live once.

What moves you?

What triggers strong emotions in you?

What do you want to fight for?

Have something that makes you feel alive.

Have this flame in you.

Don’t live the life that other people would like to impose on you.

Live your life on your own terms.

Fight for your dreams and for what is just.

Nobody said it would be easy.

And that is a good thing, because that’s the way you’ll become stronger and develop a powerful, charismatic personality.

7. Charismatic phrases

These phrases will help you influence, build rapport, and strengthen relationships with others.

The first phrase is, “One thing I’ve noticed about you”. This is a very powerful phrase because it shows you’ve found time to observe a unique personality feature.   

It is not something that I’m guessing. It is a fact. I have observed and noticed this behavior in you.

“One thing I’ve noticed about you is how comfortable you are with yourself, most people aren’t like that”.

“One thing I’ve noticed about you is that you inspire confidence in other people”.

“The thing I’ve always admired about you is your focus and vision”.

It shows that it’s not something you randomly noticed today. When you use the word admired, you not only show respect for them but also appreciation.

You can also use this phrase when someone is being rough on you.

“The thing I’ve always admired about you is that you say exactly what you mean”.

“You know, one thing I’ve always admired about you Anne is that your communication is so direct and clear”.

Now you’ve diffused all the anger. It is very hard for someone to be mean and unkind to someone who is admired.

Be careful when using this phrase you have to be absolutely sincere about it.

The word because- When you’re asking someone to do something for you add the word because and a reason why should they do it.

There was an interesting study done in 1970 by the psychology professor at Harvard Ellen Langer.

Langer asked her assistant to break in on a line of people waiting to use the Xerox copy machine.

The assistant said: “Excuse me, can I cut the line to make some copies? Only 60% allowed her.

Then she said: “Excuse me, can I cut the line because I need to make some copies? As if other people weren’t waiting to make copies. After just adding the word “because”, 94% of the people let the assistant cut the line.

The Social Mistakes That Charisma Cant Overcome

There’s a lot that goes into a charismatic personality. However, charisma isn’t only about what you do, but rather also about what you avoid doing that could potentially ruin your reputation as a charismatic individual.

Here are some things you should avoid at all costs if you have a strong desire to develop your charisma:

  • Don’t curse, gossip or complain. It doesn’t look good, and it certainly won’t do you any good either.
  • Don’t talk excessively about yourself. Focus the conversation instead on the other person’s passions, problems, and interests.
  • Don’t attempt to please everyone. It’s impossible, and in the process, you might actually end up pleasing no one.
  • Don’t offend people. Yes, you might disagree with something they have said. However, instead of offending them, challenge them to prove themselves.
  • Don’t interrupt people while they are talking. This is one of the fastest ways to lose rapport. Let them conclude their thoughts in full before you have your say.
  • Don’t be arrogant or appear superior in any way. Charismatic individuals have a knack for making people feel comfortable and at ease no matter how much their circumstances differ.
  • Don’t make excuses. Excuses show others that you do not take responsibility for your life. Nobody wants to associate with those who excuse their life away.
  • Don’t lose control of your emotions. Learn to manage all those seemingly unhelpful emotions in productive ways no matter how difficult your circumstances may be in the moment. Not losing control of your emotions during troubled times will help you gain incredible respect and admiration from those around you.
  • Don’t take everything so seriously. A charismatic individual has a playful and fun-loving nature. They will find the humor in every difficulty, which will help others feel at ease.

If some of these habits-of-mind go against your nature, then you certainly have your work cut out for you. Nobody said that developing a charismatic personality was going to be easy. You may very well need to acquire some new habits. And you may most certainly need to dump some old habits that will no longer serve you along this new path you are on. The choice is ultimately yours to make.

2. Confidence

In every aspect of life, people want to be lead by courageous people.

The people we admire are usually the people who know what they want and have the confidence to get it.

The higher your confidence the more charismatic you are.

The best way to build unshakable confidence is by facing situations that make you uncomfortable.

Many people make the mistake of waiting until they feel confident to do something. Well, it doesn’t work that way.

You need to act and then the fear will diminish.

Be responsible for your actions

Charisma is also about admitting mistakes and, when not guilty of anything, solving problems instead of identifying and admonishing the guilty.

See also

Christie Leigh Babirad · April 16, 2021

If necessary, you can “take one for the team” from time to time, if you have less to lose when it comes to a particular outcome than the one who’s actually guilty.

Ways to develop charisma

As a rule, both men and girls want to become chari

As a rule, both men and girls want to become charismatic, so we offer ways that suit everyone.

Step 1. Believe that you can develop this quality

Often people are hindered by their own beliefs. [2] A person who considers charisma to be an exclusively inborn quality will not do anything to develop it – why try if it is not given anyway? And this applies not only to charisma. I want to draw, but I can’t? I want to run, but for the first time it is hard? Done, this is not mine, I will not try. But in fact, you can learn almost anything. Of course, there are innate inclinations, but it depends only on how easily some or other activity will be given to you. At the same time, history knows many examples when gifted people ruined their talent because they did not develop it. Whereas the insufficiency of this potential is compensated by an individually selected training technique. Here, for example, 7Spsy behavior modification technology can help. And if you add purposefulness to this, you can become, though not like Steve Jobs, but a confident, charming and attractive guy or girl.

Step 2. Identify why you need charisma

Everyone has different goals and objectives, although, of course, our readers are unlikely to develop charisma in order to take over the world. Identify why you want to become more charismatic. What is your goal? Being a leader respected and listened to? Easily make friends? Or getting attention of the opposite gender, like in the movie “Girls”: “Here I am walking beautiful along the street, and all the oncoming guys get stiff, but those who are weaker fall and fall, fall, fall and stack themselves in stacks!” The style of charisma that you decide to develop will also depend on the goal.

Step 3. Choose you style of charisma

Also, the styles are different?! Of course. You may have noticed that different people are charismatic in their own way. The Dalai Lama and Steve Jobs are not alike. They have different goals, lifestyle, character. But both of them are and will be followed by people.

Conventionally, 4 styles of charisma can be distinguished, based on 3 qualities: presence, power and warmth. [1]

  1. Charisma of concentration is inherent in people who know how to carefully listen and hear the interlocutor. It is due to the focus on the interlocutor that such people attract other people to themselves.

“We somehow very quickly dealt with the new leader. It was important for me to be listened to, and I could talk to her. She brought her ideas, even the craziest ones, and always got a response. Because of this, she and the team were respected, recognized as a leader, because she always, always listened to us, we were important – and that meant a lot to us”.

— Julia, 23

  1. Charisma of inspiration. People with this charisma style can motivate and inspire other people. After talking with them, it seems that you can roll mountains. A vivid example is Tony Robbins, who says fairly obvious things, but at the same time, according to his listeners, energizes and inspires to begin.

“What he says is trite and well-worn. At the core is self-acceptance, believe in self and self-existence, self-confidence. The whole seminar is about relationships with oneself. But the seminars of Tony Robbins blow people off. He makes us believe in ourselves and shows that we already have the energy for all this, and that we can get it inside ourselves at any moment”.

— Anastasia, 29

  1. Charisma of goodwill. A vivid example is the Dalai Lama and his ability to radiate warmth and unconditional love. People suddenly find themselves enveloped in his sincere attention and approval, they feel that they are glad, that they are ready to be taken care of, that they are safe. Such a feeling, perhaps, is experienced by children in the hands of loving and caring parents. Everything is fine, the world is in order, and I am with it.
  2. Charisma of power. Based on status and self-confidence. A person who demonstrates an expertise and confidence in his/her rightness, is sort of transferring this confidence to others. People think: “Oh, this person clearly understands what he/she is saying. Perhaps I have something to learn from him/her”. Usually this style of charisma is sought by men, but how easy it is to go too far here. Without benevolence or concentration, this style turns into dominion and tyranny, and people try to avoid such persons.

Step 4. Qualities of a charismatic person. Which ones exactly do you need?

From the definition of charisma, it is clear that this is a multi-component quality. Think and decide what exactly you are missing. You may already be friendly, but you feel insecure when dealing with strangers. In this case, it is worth training the skill of communicating with strangers and think about how to develop the skill of charm. Or you can listen carefully, but you don’t have enough self-confidence – then it’s worth developing confidence. Write down the qualities you have that you would like to develop. You can take the qualities from our list or come up with your own.

Qualities of a charismatic person

  • Empathy, or emotional intelligence. Ability to understand how other people feel and empathize with them.
  • Ability to listen and hear so that others feel that they are important and significant. This ability is also called active listening
  • Independence, or ability to rely on yourself in difficult situations. It gives others confidence that you can rely on such a person.
  • Oratory. The ability to structure your speech in such a way as to interest and carry people with your ideas. This also includes persuasiveness, negotiation skills and knowledge of conflict resolution.
  • Confidence in yourself and your strengths, knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Ability to talk about one’s merits. Many people know that they can do a lot, but they cannot always say so. They were taught that “I am the last letter in the alphabet”.
  • Willpower, or self-discipline. Ability to focus on tasks, not to be distracted, to do something, even if it does not work at first.
  • Ability to set goals and achieve them.
  • Ability to stay calm in difficult situations. It should be noted here that emotionality per se can be useful. When we talk enthusiastically about something, we show emotions. But in difficult situations, it is important to be able not to get hysterical and not to show aggression towards other people.
  • Sense of humor, ability to joke appropriately and funny, without offending or insulting others with jokes. Laugh with them, not at them.
  • Decisiveness and courage, which is manifested not only in actions, but also in speech, in movements and facial expressions. Shoulders straightened, smooth walk, energetic gestures, etc.
  • Realism. Optimism is good, but not in all cases it is appropriate, therefore it is important to see both positive and negative points in all situations.

Step 5. Identify how you can develop the required qualities

Lack of speaking skills to hold attention? Find a textbook or an oratory skills course. Lacking self-confidence when communicating with colleagues? Write down how you would like to behave – and follow your instructions, fix the desired behavior.

Recommended IQ Matrix Bundles

The Influencer 10 Map Bundle includes a selection of hand picked maps that are designed to help you become a more persuasive, inspiring, charismatic, and influential person.
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The Socially Awkward 10 Map Bundle includes a selection of hand picked maps that are designed for those who would like to learn how to handle socially awkward situations with confidence.

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