7 Things You Have to Do When Texting Before a First Date

#1 No Reply? No worries!

Potentially one of the worst feelings ever:

Looking at your phone, hoping for a text back from the girl you like, but there’s nothing…

…even though she has posted a new Instagram story since you last texted her.

The following is one of the main causes of texting troubles for guys.

When they don’t get a text back as soon as they would have liked, they lose their sh!t.

And do you know what most guys will do now?

They start rereading their conversation.

Analyzing, and over-analyzing every text sent and received.

Looking for the mistakes they made. They HAVE to be there! Why else would she not reply?

How about next time she doesn’t text back, you do the following:

Put away your phone, make a fresh coffee, and hit the gym. Or read a book. Anything is better than playing TextGod and analyzing your own conversation.

Why do I make this statement?

Well, if you had the knowledge to find the mistakes you made, you likely wouldn’t have made them in the first place.

(And you wouldn’t be here right now)

The main thing your analyzing will do, is put you into your head and make your next text something in between needy & so ‘overcrafted’ that it has no authenticity left.

The main thing that you need to do right now, is giving her space and time to reply.

And when you really like a girl, that’s not an easy thing to do. But you still have to.

When talking about texting rules for guys, we could say you want to give her about 24 hours to reply.

Funnily enough, a dating coach from another country texted me yesterday. He was in a bit of a pickle with a girl he was really interested in. She was leaving his city and soon and he wanted to see her ONE more time. Unfortunately for him, she had plenty of things to do and people to see before departing. She didn’t even respond to the text he had sent her the day before…

Now he asked me what last text I would send her to make her respond, and ideally meet up again.

(That’s right, he wanted to double text her. More on that later in this post!)

By the time I had seen his text and given him my take on the situation, he responded with:

Thanks for that bro, in the meanwhile she has already responded.

Exactly my point.


Don’t Go Into Detail

Women are always nervous and sometimes even a little hesitant when meeting a guy for the first time.

So you don’t want to give her any kind of feeling that the first date is going to be in some kind of organized manner or she has to follow some fixed plan.

Also Read:   How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You – 21 Tips To Make Her Fall For You

Keep the conversation light and try to build a mood that will also hello you during your date.


She: “So, where are we meeting?”

You: “Let’s meet at the Gold’s gym. Be my spotter as I bench press 200 lbs. Then we will grab a cup of whey drink.”

She: “Sounds cool. I might as well build my biceps along the way. See ya on saturday.”

#9 It all starts with balance

Nothing worse than sending a lengthy text and getting a short reply…

This rule of texting will help you to keep the conversation going.

One way a lot of guys phuck up, is by accidentally losing balance.

They score a new match or a number and start a conversation, but before they know it…

…it turned from a conversation into a monologue.

If you know of yourself that your enthusiasm can get the upper hand, then try the following. Instead of letting your enthusiasm get the upper hand and banging out lengthy texts… try to keep amount of text sent completely balanced at first.

Holy Tip:

Use absolute balance as a guideline in

Holy Tip:

Use absolute balance as a guideline in your text conversations.

Not as a strict texting rule.

If you notice yourself often over investing, then try texting about ⅔ the amount she texts you. Just as practice.

Test out complete 50/50 balance and the rule of ⅔ and see what the results are for you.

Just remember to use this as a guideline.

Treat these more as texting guidelines for guys, than texting rules for guys.

3. Don’t be something you normally aren’t just for the sake of impressing the person

Texting in early dating has the potential to be not so original because of the ‘pressure to impress’ the other. It’s best that you embrace what you are, and do exactly what you are. Be honest if honesty is what you’re looking for.

Ask interesting questions. Of course, if you feel like asking them, and if you’re curious to know the answers. It makes room for opening up and knowing even more about one another.

You can be flirty. There are tons of fun ways to make a texting conversation get flirty. If flirty is your nature, use it, make it fun n’ flirty!

Don’t fake interest. If you’re not interested in knowing something about them, then don’t ask the question. Fake will get you fake, it won’t get you real. So whenever you ‘catch’ yourself almost faking it, take a minute and ‘unfake’ it.

128 flirty texts for him

Don’t Keep Checking On Her

Don’t keep asking her questions like ‘how was your day?’ as it can get more personal to ask someone before your first date.  

As a general rule don’t ask any questions at all and avoid them altogether. Just make a general statement suggesting her to save the date so that she doesn’t forget.

You can also add some kind of light humor like ‘Whoever comes late, drinks on them’. It will help in lowering the stress before the first meeting and also try to keep both of you reach on time.

Rule #4: One of my most effective online dating texting tips for guys

Do you want to get her to invest as much as possible in the conversation?

You will achieve this by asking the RIGHT questions and formulating statements.

What do 99% of men do when they start chatting with a woman?

They ask questions about her everyday life or her job.

The big disadvantage of this is:

If they are honest, the answer interests these men less than a moldy crispbread.

With one question, you expect her to make a direct investment. You ask her to lead the conversation instead of taking responsibility for it yourself.

But that doesn’t mean that it’s fundamentally bad to ask questions. You just have to be careful not to ask too many questions at the beginning of your chat.

Later in the chat, you can ask more questions to get to know them better.

>> 71+ Questions to Ask a Girl on Tinder That Will Make Her Open Up to You.

These three types of questions will give you the best cards at the beginning of the conversation:

The ‘or‘-question

Here the possibilities are already present in the question, and she only has to choose.


Burger or sushi?

Berlin or Paris?

Brazil or Thailand?

The closed question

It’s a yes-or-no question.


Do you like tomato soup with meatballs?

The open question


Why are you doing [her favorite hobby/occupation/passion]?

Pro tip:

If you ask ‘why’ questions, she gets more in touch with her emotions.

This, in turn, increases her investment and thus the chance of a date.


Why did you become a dancer?

Pro tip #2:

Use question marks as rarely as possible or even formulate questions without them. This way, the question sounds less like an investment and looks more like a statement.

So much for the asking. We have already clarified earlier that you should be sparing with questions at the beginning of your chat because otherwise, you can come across as an annoying child.

Instead, you should use statements at the beginning.

This way, you will indirectly draw the investment out of the convo little by little. To do this, you text her something where she can’t help but answer.

Here are two smart ways:

  1. Challenging comments: ‘You look like a hot homeless lady.’
  2. Simple, friendly compliments: ‘You write as if you were a professional writer.’

Rule #10: Next level optimism

There are always men who come to me and are firmly convinced that their problem with online dating is ‘very special’ and a ‘special case.’

One of my students once got a text from a woman he didn’t understand and asked me how he should react.

I then ask him a counter-question:

“What do you think she means by that?”

The answer I got from men like him almost always falls into the same category:

80 – 90 % of them interpret women’s messages too pessimistically.

They consider themselves inferior and think that a woman would rather meet them out of pity than because she’s attracted to them.

Here is an example:


You have a Date scheduled for Saturday night, and she texts you on Friday that something has come up.

Instead of believing that she’s telling the truth, the pessimist thinks:

“Pfff, that’s just an excuse because she doesn’t want to see me…”

And answer her:

Okay… too bad… I was really looking forward to meeting you.

Through this text, the woman realizes that this man has no self-confidence and gets dry faster than your hands using a Dyson Airblade.

Try the following instead:

Try the following instead:

Interpret what she writes as favorably as possible and keep your date in mind with every text.

The optimist thinks:

“It’s not so bad that she can’t make it on Saturday; instead, I can finally try out this new bar with Erik. There are tons of beautiful women there. I’m sure she’ll be free next week. I’ll ask her.”

and answer her:

Yup, no problem, then I can use Saturday night for other things. How does Sunday or Monday night look for you?

This keeps you positive and persistent attractively, even if the woman puts ‘obstacles’ in your way.

Of course, there’s the possibility that this is just an excuse from her, but you shouldn’t accept that in the first place.

Try to find another day with her as soon as possible.

If that doesn’t work, then turn your attention to other women in the online dating world.

To prepare you perfectly for this, I have extra online dating texting rules for you:

My texting masterclass.

Which is part of the completely free Transformation Kit.

Get it here.

Have fun with the ladies, and share your success with me in the comments!

Cheers, Dan de Ram

5. Be mindful avoid games if a real connection is what you want

Dating the right person takes mindfulness, even through texting. Genuine conversations take genuinity and lack of games. Be mindful while texting too:

Avoid waiting games. Please do. If you’re looking to develop something real and genuine, then it’s easy: avoid games, especially those waiting games. Text them back when you can.

Don’t fake ‘enthusiasm’ nor ‘coolness’. Don’t pretend to be super excited if you’re not, nor be very cool n’ cold if you’re the opposite of it. Be as you as you can be. If your energy levels don’t match in real life, they won’t match through text either.

Actually enjoy the text conversation you’re having. Be as present as you can, no faking, no games, be honest, and actually enjoy texting with this person; that’s important if you’re looking to create a connection with the person.

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