Content of the material
- A lot of men avoid the “commitment” discussion, so that in itself is not a sufficient sign of your being used. You need to consider the pattern as a whole and include your gut instincts as part of the equation.
Thanks! Helpful 5 Not Helpful
- Withhold the sex for a while and see what happens. Especially when you know he really wants it. Is he willing to wait? Make sure withholding is lengthy enough and noticeable for you to determine what his intentions are. Is there love and understanding in return, or is there grumpiness and a refusal to see you for a time?
Thanks! Helpful 2 Not Helpful
When approaching your spouse about sexual problems in the relationship, the worst place to do so in the bedroom where you both exposed and vulnerable. Instead, find some neutral territory where you can be alone, private, and undisturbed.
Make every effort to express yourself sensitivity and without any suggestion of blame. While it is important to share your worries, do so within the context of the relationship rather than asserting how "you" are causing "me" to worry. That is where worry turns to blame.
- If your partner doesn't know what is causing the problem but acknowledges its existence, suggest a physical exam with the family doctor. Low libido is often the result of an undiagnosed medical condition (such as low testosterone, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, or diabetes) or the side effect of certain medications (such as antidepressants, birth control pills, and some prostate medications).
- If your partner shuts down or is reluctant to discuss the issue, you need to take charge and not take things personally. In the end, this is not about you failing your partner or your partner failing you. It is simply that you both need to take ownership of the problem as a couple. By taking the lead—and suggesting couples counseling, if needed—you can bring the issue into the light and use the process to strengthen, rather than hurt, the relationship.
- If your partner is able to pinpoint a problem (such as stress at work or feeling tired all the time), work together to find a solution. Focus on incremental change, and seek medical help if needed. And don't be shy to suggest therapy.
Therapy can be great for teaching stress management skills and may help identify undercurrents of depression or anxiety. Moreover, take the time to reiterate the importance of intimacy and physical closeness as you endeavor to find a lasting solution.
2 He Only Texts You after Midnight
If he asks you over late at night, it’s a booty call. He doesn’t want to talk. He just wants sex.
11 He Never Makes Plans until the Last Second
Boyfriends should make plans with their girlfriends in advance. If he always invites you over at the last second, he’s not putting in enough effort.
Reader Success Stories
Anonymous Feb 23, 2017
“I was used by a man for sex for seven years, but I could not accept the truth. I eventually dumped him and then found your article, which helped me see the truth. From now on I will only look for men who want a true relationship with me.” …” more